Offroad Extreme! Special Edition
System: Nintendo
Wii
Developer: Data
Design Interactive
NA Release: November 2007
[NOTE: This post is part of the first Review a Bad Game Day. Witness others endure the horrors of gaming's mistakes at http://www.reviewabadgameday.com.]
Mr. Rogers made it a point to say that everyone is special, and I'm
certainly not going to argue with the legend. I will posit, however,
that “special” does not always mean a grand thing. The Titanic was a
special voyage, Ed Wood was a special director and Offroad
Extreme! Special Edition is certainly a special gaming
experience.
 |
| Even the cars look depressed to be in this game. |
From what I've been able to find, Offroad Extreme! is a
“special edition” because it's a port of a 2004 PS2 game updated
with Wii remote tilt controls—for some reason at the expense of the
original button controls. This is highly unfortunate as the motion
controls are outright horrendous and almost seem selectively
sensitive, choosing not to overreact to your tilting only when you're
heading straight toward a yawning chasm. It's difficult to see why
they couldn't have included both control schemes, but I like to
imagine the discussion went something like this:
LACKEYS: Boss, we really need to put the button controls back in the
game.
BOSS: But the motion controls are what make it special!
LACKEYS: That is technically true, sir. But, well, the motion
controls are terrible!
BOSS: You're not understanding me, here. If we return the button
controls, we give players the option to use them, yes?
LACKEYS: Yes.
BOSS: And if the motion controls are bad, players will use the button
controls instead, yes?
LACKEYS: Yes!
LACKEYS: Yes!
BOSS: But the motion controls are what make it special!
LACKEYS: ...
The sad part is that Offroad Extreme! feels so lazily
constructed as to have so little merit to deserve the moniker
“special”... that it somehow manages to go full circle and madly
becomes “special” again. A few more ways in which the game shines:
- Your rival cars sounding like bees in a dryer at the starting line, which is about the only time you'll ever hear them as they eventually leave you to your wiggly-driving stupor—oh, except for the one or three that always relentlessly slam into you at the beginning and pin you mindlessly to the wall. It's like the developers could make AI for these cars, so they just programmed a brick onto their accelerators.
- The apparent love of using a rain effect over the dull, brown, N64-quality courses, even though you never actually see the rain hit the ground, the sky often looks blue and sparsely clouded, and it does not stop raining when you enter a cave.
- The way the announcer tells you to “Start your engines!” with just enough of a threatening tone as though he knows you're thinking of running.
- How the camera will reverse angle when you try to back up from yet another slam into the wall but wont always return to facing frontward when you hit the gas again, often turning the simplest of maneuvers into that underground tunnel cart scene from Austin Powers.
- The collectable dollar signs that litter the tracks like a poor rapper's Geocities page and are all worth exactly one dollar. What did you get for fighting busted controls, crappy physics and broken cameras for three laps? $27! Extreme!
- If you take too much damage, which is nigh guaranteed, your vehicle explodes into an cheaply overlayed fireball animation of Birdemic-caliber laughability—twice. I can't actually cite this one as a fault, though. I could never find myself able to change one poorly rendered piece of this glory.
It
is bad enough to face the cheap, unplayable pile of shame that is
Offroad Extreme! Special Edition,
but it's especially egregious to know this was all part of the now
defunct Data Design Interactive's (DDI) business model. Wanting to
take advantage of the growing family and casual markets, the company
squeezed out as many abominations of gaming as it could, sacrificing
any semblance of quality in an apparent attempt to take advantage of
novice gamers' ignorance. They even copied and pasted large swaths of
code in what they called their GODS engine to speed the process,
making their games figuratively inbred.
But
do you know what the worst part of this sordid legacy is for me? It's
not that DDI helped pox the reputation of the Wii as a shovelware
system, nor even the fact a bunch of kids got screwed over on
birthdays and Christmases by well-meaning family members who were
suckered into buying malfunctioning dreck. Those are certainly bad,
but what outright haunts me is that Mr. Rogers was right: everyone is
special, dammit, and there could have been some specially talented
designers working for DDI.
We
laugh at and pan shovelware, and that's often healthy. But there
could've been people just trying to find a foothold to get noticed
who ended up strapped down by the paltry budgets and
push-it-out-the-door timetables of a company that was in too much of
a hurry to milk another buck out of an unsuspecting grandma to take
the time to make sure IT STOPS RAINING IN CAVES. These people's time
and talents could have been wasted, and now they have pangs of
hesitation and regret every time they think of writing “Data Design
Interactive” on their resumes.
It
is my great hope that, if this rings true for anyone, they are
working at a place where the true meaning of “special” is known
and acknowledged.
